For some, church is a place of safety and belonging. For others, it can be a source of pain. "Church hurt" has become a familiar term, describing the impact caused by spiritual abuse or toxic environments.

Dr. Kathryn Keller, a therapist in Dallas, Texas, says the number one issue clients bring to her is religious trauma. 

"So, if people are constantly hearing messages about you're bad, you're a sinner, you're going to hell, you're the worst. That environment can be considered an abusive environment that could evoke a trauma response in an individual," Dr. Keller said.

She adds that toxic systems can twist growth. "What happens is… I'm sort of like a plant that doesn't get the proper water or sunlight — It's still going to grow, but you'll grow sideways, doing the best you can… but you're accommodating outside forces telling you how to think, who they think you are." 

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Keller also noted that power dynamics and emotional neglect are among the most common causes of church-related trauma. She says the definition of "church hurt" is broad, typically stemming from experiences of fear, control, or shame within controlling spiritual environments.

Author Natalie Runion understands that struggle. As a pastor's kid who grew up serving in church, she considered walking away after her father had to resign his position. 

"Hurt people, hurt people – but healed people will also help heal people," said Runion. "That's the beauty of the family of God. We can simultaneously be hurt and heal at the same time as we live together in unity."

Studies show more than a million Americans leave the church each year, and many never return. Runion says even in her own experience, she felt torn, but her faith took a new turn. 

"You know, I always just kept going back. Even though I was hurt by 'a' church, I never left 'the' Church," Runion explained. "I never isolated, and I always had women and pastors around me constantly reminding me of the goodness of the Lord."

What began as a personal journey became her platform and eventually led to the book Raised to Stay. 

Runion said, "That was one of the biggest criticisms that I got when I wrote Raised to Stay – people would say, 'Are you telling us to stay in toxic environments?' and the answer was 'absolutely not.' What I'm doing is saying that if you find yourself in that, get out, but hold on to Jesus. Remain with Jesus. John 15: 'Remain in Me, and I will remain in you.' Stay with Me, and I will stay with you to give you discernment to know, hey, you've got to get out of here and go somewhere healthy."

She also emphasized the importance of setting limits as part of healing. 

"Forgiveness doesn't mean immediate reconciliation," Runion said. "Sometimes it means putting up boundaries so that you can actually forgive without being re-injured over and over again. Boundaries are biblical, and they allow people to heal in safety."

Although they took different paths, both Natalie and Dr. Keller say separating, or untangling, faith from toxic structures led to a stronger, more honest relationship with God. 

"God has always been faithful to me," Runion reflected. "He had always shown up. He had always been the Father He said He was going to be. So yes, all these people had failed me. But when I looked back over the course of my life, God never had. So, it was either turn away from the one who had never failed me because of a few people who did, or stay in position with Him and let Him do what His Word promised."